What role do your family relationships play when it comes to how you see and interact with the world as an adult? And how should you approach them to better understand yourself and grow as a person?
In this episode, coach Travis Ramsey talks about the impact that family relationships have on how you go through life – from understanding the impact of your childhood and the different brain states, all the way to communication patterns, and what happens when your core needs aren't met.
Listen to learn why you should leave space for yourself and how navigating your past will improve your present and future.
- When someone asks you"How are you feeling?," you shouldn't run toward being comforted, rather take a moment to reflect, and leave space to know how you really feel.
- Sometimes, there are moments when we may not know what to do with this "empty" space and may feel the urgency of just "feel it, feel it, feel it."
- According to Travis, allowing space is an important "exercise" to discover who we are, what we feel, and to make a conscious choice with that.
- It’s important to focus on creating awareness of our thoughts, behavior, and patterns, as well as on our communication, conversations, and interactions with others.
- Family relationships are our primary relationship framework and the most influential factor in how we think about ourselves, the world, and the people in it.
- When it comes to your family relationships, the introspective look should be directed both toward your current ones (e.g. if you’re a mother, a father, etc.) and the ones you had growing up. What are some words that come to mind when you think about both?
- Travis talks about the importance of unlearning how the world has taught us to look at ourselves, as well as the fact that, sometimes, what we believe we’d like to change isn’t something we should change.
- What we once viewed as weaknesses or flaws, and our inner character are actually the things that make us unique, our strengths.
- Travis shares the story of how a dog got intimidated by him – and how he approaches reactions from people and animals that are different than the one he would expect.
- One key aspect to consider is how the way you respond to things and behave is conditioned by your experiences in life or by who you really are.
- Mike brings up the point of finding out and spending time on your unique ability and figuring out things that aren’t your unique ability but that you should be working on improving.
- Realizing that living by someone else's rules and following values that aren't yours isn't the game you'd like to play is a massive paradigm shift.
- Travis discusses the approach you should consider having toward things like anger, discomfort, sadness, and insults.
- According to Travis, by default, children tend to have an "It's my fault" attitude toward life.
- As adults, Travis says, we often see ourselves as fundamentally shy, bad-tempered, anxious, and low-energy but, actually, we're that way because of the environment we grew up in.
- Learning a new language is an example that illustrates the different approach between children – who are sponges who absorb everything – and adults, who tend to overthink and overanalyze everything (having a harder time learning a language).
- For Travis, some people often have the following orientation towards life: they go through it looking at the things that they don't have...
- When something goes wrong, like when someone yells at us, we tend to start asking ourselves "What did I do?" instead of considering "What has happened with that person that has led them to raise their voice?"
- People are often locked into a defensive brain state where other states don't seem to exist.
- A lot of times children don’t have the words to articulate what it is that they're feeling, so they often have dramatic overreactions, tantrums, etc. – things that we tend to carry into adulthood too.
- The idea is learning to move towards an issue, all without expectations of conflict or rejection.
- Mike suggests avoiding texting or written communication when trying to resolve conflict.
- Emotional needs are as powerful as physical needs. Having food and water growing up doesn't necessarily translate into turning out just fine as an adult.
- Addiction and attachment are very strongly connected. Insecure attachment often leads to addiction because we’re leaning into that safety we didn’t have growing up, and we find attachment in another thing (which creates addiction).
- Trauma is not what happens to you, trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of the events.
- Insecure attachment can lead to no longer trusting yourself, feeling ashamed of who you are, feeling as if you aren’t good enough, as well as not having a good relationship with yourself, with your body, with your ability to trust others, and with your view of the world.
- Addiction roots are an insecure attachment, and addictions stimulate the same receptors and endorphins as secure attachment.
- When thinking about your childhood, and how it impacts your life, it isn't about blaming – everybody did the best they knew how.
- It's about understanding and accepting what was, and understanding who you are by looking at how you were shaped.
- When feeling stuck because you feel as if you should just try harder, keep in mind that you may be looking at the problem wrong. You may be playing by someone else's rules instead of by your own rules.
- Whenever you want to shrink something remember that you need to allow it to expand first. Do you want to get rid of something? Allow it to flourish first.
- The core needs for a child are to be both part of a tribe and be their authentic self.
- Family is the place to belong where you are seen, loved, and embraced exactly as you are.
More information and episodes:
honestlybetterfitness.com/list
L&H Industrial at lnh.net
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